Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
