when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
