It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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