Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
