I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
