News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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