Your dad touched me again.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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