when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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