Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
its not stalking. its research.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
