and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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