sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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