I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
