Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
