Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
