The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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