Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
