I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
NoShamevember. You game?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
