you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
