he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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