on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
