There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i drank out of a bidet.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
