WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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