Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
drinking out of a sandbucket again
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
