we made out on top of his cat.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize