I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
