Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
