hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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