i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
