He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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