i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
