i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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