u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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