I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize