I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
