if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
