I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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