my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
