everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
