hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
