Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
