I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
