Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Randomize
