I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He felt like a one man threesome
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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