Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
