I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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