If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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