I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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