He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
