The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
