I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
