I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
