i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
