Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
