You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The air taste purple.
Randomize
