Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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