Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize