I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
