3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
