How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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