i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
