You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
