my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
