We won't sleep together?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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