I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
