now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
