he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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